Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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