The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
The air taste purple.
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