Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
