ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
