I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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