gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
