The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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