well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
All I want is dick and wine.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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