Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
