He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
