Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
