oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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