sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
did i just pee glitter
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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