sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
