Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Randomize
