does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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