oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
