chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
