My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
