does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
