god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
