Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
