Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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