No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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