She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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