If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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