I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
