Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
