I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
