Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
