Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
