for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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