How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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