Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
