Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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