I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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