Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Randomize
