your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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