i wish there were pregnant emoticons
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
