I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Randomize
