You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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