Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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