Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
