Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
