Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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