i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
