it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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