Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
