Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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