I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
