You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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